On the back of your personal details
sheet if you choose to become an Aspen Springs Hypnotherapy client
is The Magic Fairy Wish List and ‘Selfish’ is something a lot of
people tick for the things they wish to alter about themselves.
This wish list forms a potted
history of their views of their place in their world and they seem
to think that being selfish is a demerit, that it says something
mean about them that they wish to eliminate.
In fact ‘selfish’ is replaced by the
computer generated synonyms with:- self-centred, self-seeking,
self-interested, egotistical, egotistic and egocentric with the
antonym as altruistic which can be replaced with: unselfish, humane,
selfless, and philanthropic.
A synonym is a word having the same
significance as another, the antonym being its opposite.
I would like to seriously argue
against these authorities!
My argument is simply this, that a
well rounded, person who is secure in their own centre, enjoys being
selfish because they have a secure sense of self.
They are happy and comfortable with
the fact that when they truly love themselves then they can truly
love others without their ego screaming for attention. That when
their inner self is content then they can freely give to others, not
needing a return on the gift, i.e. ‘brownie points’.
If your own inner voice or people
around you scream, ‘you’re selfish’, ‘you must share’ or ‘you cannot
put yourself first’, then you can now recognise these voices as
insecure bullies afraid that you have the confidence that they dare
These guilt trips are to be
recognised as the external pressures of others, even if you have
accepted and internalised these attitudes from the authority figures
of your innocent and gullible youth.
Consider this next thought as a
variation of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, which in principle states
that one must satisfy lower needs before being able to appreciate a
higher level. So, for that reason, when travelling by air, you are
always advised, indeed instructed, to apply your own oxygen mask
before that of your much loved child or fragile baby.
While understanding the cold
practicality of this, I feel I would have to fight hard to comply
with these essential instructions.
Therefore in order to take the ego
out of self-centred, self-seeking, self-interested, then your ‘self’
has to be secure, satisfied and content so that you can go forwards
with the synonyms of philanthropic which are generous, big-hearted,
altruistic, benevolent, charitable, giving and good hearted.
Consequently you do not need to grow
into the insecure guilt trip of others to avoid being selfish, but
into the selfishness of completing your inner journey to yourself,
that is knowing and accepting yourself and your boundaries, before
your can truly let your generosity flow out freely to others.
Being secure in your boundaries also
enables you to say. No,’ with integrity!
Being unable to say, ‘No’ is also on
my Magic Fairy Dust list.
One of the other points of this list
is that sometimes I can slip in extra healing if I know that it is
appropriate for you.